History of Erin Boat

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The Unnecessary Backstory (the beginning)

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But Anyway by Blues Traveler

Three

Saturday, September 18, 2010

3 warrants.

Three outstanding warrants for my mothers arrest.

And she was arrested

Drunk

Custody seized

not one freaking phone call. Not from my mother, not from my father, not from either sister, not from the cops, not from DCF

From my aunt. From my aunt, who my sister called in tears. From my aunt, apologizing for not being able to take my sisters.

I don’t blame my aunt. I only blame my mother. But I can’t believe that after all this no one called me.

I can’t fix it. I know that’s why no one called me.

I’m so freaking disappointed in my mother.

I hurt for my sisters.

And I hurt for my aunt.

And my pride is a little sore

But mostly, I hurt for my sisters, and I’m angry with my mother.

And curious, as to what those three warrants were for.

Three
Freaking
Warrants

And some awful, guilty part of me hopes my mother stays where she is for a long time. Because my sisters deserve better than that, and if she isn't in jail, she's not going to give them up. How twisted is that? That I hope my mother stays in jail. I must be an awful person, and yet..... I don't really see it. I wish I could help my mother. That's what I feel guilty for. Hoping to pass the burden on to someone else. But at this point, she's beyond any help I can give, and I don't feel guilty, not really, for hoping she stays away.

1 comments:

terisblip.com said...

Having those feelings does NOT make you a bad person. It's not like you set her up or anything, you don't even know why she's there. I don't much feel sorry for your mom, it's all the people she's emotionally damaging with her selfishness. I wish I had some advice for you, I really do, I just don't know much about things like this. I do know that her mistakes and continued bad behavior are NOT your fault or your sisters fault, but her own bad choices.

Teri

September 20, 2010 at 12:04 AM

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