A Mixed Bag of Emotions

My head has been crowded these past few days. So much to say, and yet not wanting to overwhelm anyone reading with all the craziness in my head. I had a breakdown at the mall the other day over something I cant remember now. Later that day, I danced around my apartment simply happy to exist. These mood swings are killing me. A quick run of google confirms that its not unusual with my birth control, but knowing the reason doesn't help when I am falling apart.

Spring has sprung. The first day of spring is also my sisters birthday. Yesterday. She didn't want to see or visit with my mom. She didn't really want to talk to me either, but she had friends over. What just-turning-11-year-old wants to talk to their older sister whose far away, when they can talk to their friends who are right there? No big. She was happy. That's what counts.

But it still stung a bit, when she didn't even say "I love you" before hanging up. She didn't say goodbye either.

My other sister had her concert last night. She's been preparing for this for months. It's a real chorus, not a school one. She had to audition. She has a solo. I'm super proud of her. I haven't talked to her since before the concert though. I've lost my phone. I may need to get myself a replacement on Monday if I don't find it by then. I'll borrow Jeffrey's to talk to Manda in a while. Not too late though, because they have another show tonight.

Mostly, personally, I'm good. I'm loving the spring weather. I'm loving sitting with Jeffrey laughing about silly things. I'm loving going down to visit his family. Loving that I just got over a bad case of writers block. I'm loving being able to cook whenever I want. Loving that I get to go home soon and see my sisters and my friends. I'm loving not having to take care of my parents every day. They are doing just fine without me. My mom still calls to ask me advice, or to have me calm her down when she's falling apart, but it's not every day, and that's a huge relief. Every week she's calling for help less and less often. Now she sometimes just calls to see what's up. I love that. I can have a real relationship with her now. It's SO cool for me, to be able to talk to her and have her actually answer. Sometimes, i used to just talk to her