History of Erin Boat

History of Erin Boat
The Unnecessary Backstory (the beginning)

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End of an Era

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But Anyway by Blues Traveler

Gift Giving

Monday, March 22, 2010

My mom decided to have Christmas this summer. I didn’t get to go home over the holiday, and was also broke and couldn’t mail the presents I got for people. I also have a small inkling that my mom didn’t actually mail me my Christmas presents. She told me she did, but the tracking number she gave me didn’t show anything and the presents never showed up. She didn’t seem to care at all about losing what she had told me was over $200 worth of stuff in the mail. The other day she mentioned buying me something that I was told had already been bought.

It doesn’t matter much, but I wish she had been honest. It’s the little things that get to you. You don’t have to buy me presents, but please don’t lie about it. I hate being lied to.

Whatever. Lots of “Christmas” shopping and birthdays to catch up on. Shipping is pricey, so I haven’t really been keeping up with the birthdays either.

I love giving presents. People light up when they’re given gifts. It makes me feel wanted. Needed. Appreciated..... yes. I give presents for the selfish reason of “it makes me feel good.” But I don’t feel guilty about that. It makes them feel good too, and that’s what counts right?

But I hate CHOOSING presents. I get a bit of shopping anxiety. What if they don’t like it? What if they lose it? What if they were hoping it was something else? What if someone else gives them the same thing? On and on. It takes me forever to pick a present for someone. Sometimes I just settle with giving someone cash. Other times I spend months trying to get them to see something and say “I want that.” I will remember. I will get it. And then I will hope and pray that when they get it they still want it. Thats really hard with my sisters, who change their minds all the time.

My mom is easy. I say “What do you want,” and she gives me a list of ten things. I still get to surprise her, because she doesn’t know which I’ll get her, but its still something I'm sure she wants. No one else is like that. This Christmas I asked one sister what she wanted and her response was “I dunno, just Stuff.”

Thanks, Lauren dear. I’m really loving the vagueness. But I know what to get her, because later she mentioned something.

I just hope I get everyone things they want.... and I have a large list of who “everyone” includes.

2 comments:

Teri S. said...

Christmas during non-Christmas months is kind of a cool idea... wondering if you own mother has been lying to you, not so cool. I'm sorry you have such an odd relationship with your mom - mine with my mom is pretty much non-existent - it's easier for me to not have her in my life, less painful too. But your situation is different. Hope you find the strength to deal with all of that the best that you can. Just remember that it's okay to be YOU, and to stand up for yourself, and what you believe in. You can assert yourself and still be there for your sisters too. Sorry for all of the unasked for advice, I just couldn't help myself. Hope you're having a great day.

Teri

March 22, 2010 at 9:42 PM
E Boat said...

Don't apologize for giving advice. That's why this blog is a blog instead of a private journal. Because I often need help, but I hate asking for it. I don't like asking for anything. Strangely, my relationship with my mother is a lot stronger, and a lot less difficult, since I have moved out. Or since she's stopped drinking. They happened at the same time, and I'm not really sure which made it easier.

March 22, 2010 at 9:52 PM

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