Dreams, and School, and other thoughts.

I know, I know, I've posted this before. It stopped, and then the problem came back twice as bad.

My dreams. They're crazy! In the past week I've gone on a road trip, given birth, been attacked by birds, been abandoned, gone back to high school, and a whole host of other things.

I used to love my dreams, loved remembering them when I woke up. This past week, I haven't slept a full night. They aren't just dreams, and then I wake up and remember them. That would be just fine. None of these dreams were horrifying. Some were scary, but none were absolutely terrifying. But each of them has been so vivid that I've woken up. This doesn't seem like a huge problem - I wake up once or twice throughout any night anyways - but when it's a dream that woke me up, rather than a chill because I lost the blanket, or an elbow to the face (thanks Jeffrey <3 ) it's different. I can't just roll over, get comfy and go back to sleep. It just doesn't work. I can get as comfy and cozy as I want, and my mind just keeps on running at 1000 miles an hour.

I don't think it's a sleep thing. I don't think that the problem is "I'm having trouble sleeping." I think the problem is something else. I think the problem is my brain's current state. I haven't been in a good place, mentally, lately. During the day, I've been scattered, tired, overwhelmed, and hating myself. And then I stop being overwhelmed because I get everything done, and when I stop being overwhelmed, I stop hating myself. But clearly being overwhelmed shouldn't make me hate myself the way it does. I need to clear my head. Even when I"m not overwhelmed, I'm not clear. I don't know how it get clear. My brain has too much stuff in it, and I think that is the cause of my lack-of-sleep. I just have too much in my head.

I don't know how to get all this crap out of my head. I just know I want it gone. And the thing about it is, it's not stressful stuff. My parents are both stable. My financial aid for the next semester came in and it's lovely, and I do get to go back to school after all, for at least one more semester. If my parents and uncle can't help me (they have promised to, but I don't know how far I trust their promises) I will be okay for the fall. Fall semester is only going to cost me a little over $6000 out of pocket. Right now, I have that money. It was supposed to be money for me to get my license and a car, but school is more important. My apartment is close enough that I can walk to school if I need to. It'll take me probably about an hour to walk there, but my classes for next semester aren't early in the morning. It's doable, and I still have an ounce of hope that my parents or uncle will help out at least partially.

But that's good new. A week ago I didn't think I'd be going to school at all. My sisters are both doing fine. My health has taken a turn for the better (except for the lack of sleep. that's putting me down a bit) and Jeffrey's doing great. My boss has finished his firing spree and work has been great lately. I've been writing and writing and writing. I don't know why I can't clear my mind. I wish I could.

I wish I could sleep.

D is for "Day late." It's also for dreams

D is a day late, because I didn't have anything to write about. But now I do. And E will be on time today as well.


D is for Dreams. You know, the kind you have at night when you're sleeping. Not the hopes for the future (though those are good too!)


I have been having the wackiest dreams since we moved into our new apartment. I mean, yeah, dreams are weird and strange things happen in them, but the characters in my dreams are always physically accurate. People in my dreams don't fly and cat's don't bark. Magical powers? Rarely, and always appear as special magical abilities, rather than the norm in what world I dream in.

But since we moved into our new apartment, all sorts of weird, unrealistic stuff has been cropping up in my dreams. Last night was the first time I can ever remember having a flying dream. I've heard they're common, but I can't remember having one before. But last night I was flying all over the place, rescuing kittens. A few nights ago, turtles were speaking English like it was no big deal. These things don't happen in my dreams. My dreams are more like I'm seeing through the eyes of some normal person, but the person isn't me (usually). I am inside the body of a 5 year old with two older brothers, and the dream is just a segment of that child's life. Certainly that isn't my life, and that 5 year old isn't me, even though she is. It's like that. That's what my dreams have always been.

Sometimes, after I've just read a book, or written something, I'll put myself in that world, and if in that world, flying people are normal, THEN I might have flying people in my dream. But that's rare. And I haven't had the time lately to read or write.

I'm wondering if it's something in the air, or just my body reacting weird to sleeping in a new place. I dunno. But the dreams confuse me so much that it wakes me up. "Melody, why are you flying people don't fly?" and I wake up. Maybe I'm just not sleeping deeply enough.

Ah well. This was a crap post. Sorry guys!

A Dream

Last night I had a dream that both amused and frightened me.

I didn't see the dream through my own eyes. It was watching a movie about myself. I was a published author, elementary school teacher, and mother.

The dream started in my sons Kindergarten classroom. It was show and tell day, and the kids all sat in a circle on the floor. The teacher sat on a bean bag chair, and beside her was another been bag chair. A little boy named Jimmy was finishing his turn, and my son was next. (For some reason, everyone in the dream except my son had a name) Jimmy went and sat in the circle. My son got up and sat in the bean bag and held up a book. The cover was blueish and had grey writing across the top that said Erin Bohte.

"My mommy's a writer and she wrote this book!" my son said with big wide eyes. He held the book out at arms length, between his two hands. It looks silly and large in his small hands. Perhaps that was just distortion from the dream.

Jimmy, the little boy who had been before my son, stood up. "Your mom doesn't write books! She's just a teacher! That's not her name!"

"It's a pseudonym!" my son shouted back.

A little girl gasped. "That's a bad word!" and she slapped her hand over her mouth.

The kids all looked up to the teacher, who pursed her lips in a smile, as if she were trying not to laugh. After a moment she shook her head, and got up

The dream then shifts to outside my sons classroom. Instead I'm watching myself in my own classroom. The phone on the teachers desk rings, and I go over to pick it up. On the other end is my sons teacher. She wants me to take him home. She talked to the principal and they decided to suspend him.The school doesn't tolerate things like that.

"What did he do?" I ask.
"He used the word pseudonym."
"But that's not a bad word."
"Well he's a kindergartner."
"I'm sorry, Ms. Burke," I say "I'm not sure what you're getting at."
"Well you see, the other kids think that he insulted them."
"Then explain to them that he didn't. Pseudonym is just another word for pen name."
"I know what it is. But the children do not. Even if he didn't mean to insult them, he did. At the very least he insulted their intelligence by using such a big word."
"You're suspending my kid for being smart."
"No no. We're suspending him for insulting his classmates."
"Well why do I have to take him home? Can't he take the unicorn?"
"Does he know how to ride it?"
"He sure does."
"Maybe he should be in 8th grade."

And from there the dream dissolved into nonsense. I think my son DID end up riding a unicorn home.

I'm tickled by the idea of being a writer/teacher/mother. Even more if my kids are proud of my books. I think the idea of kids riding home on a unicorn is pretty amazing.

The thought of a child being suspended for being smart is frightening though. I remember getting told off for things like that in early grades, but I don't think I was ever actually punished for it.

Anyways, thought you might find the dream a little interesting. I sure did.