History of Erin Boat

History of Erin Boat
The Unnecessary Backstory (the beginning)

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End of an Era

Quote of the Moment

Quote of the Moment
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Current Favorite Song

Current Favorite Song
But Anyway by Blues Traveler

Pure Bliss (FloydFest X)

Monday, August 1, 2011

This weekend was amazing. I heard music and danced in the dark until long after midnight. I played in the rain. I sweated like a pig in weather hotter than it should have been. I left my purse, wallet and all, completely unsupervised under a canopy in a crowd of 20,000 people, and didn't worry for a moment. My cell phone's only function for four days was a clock, and we only used the computer for a few moments each morning, to check the weather. Complete strangers offered me several types of drugs, and even though I turned them all down, I still felt completely high. It was a freeing experience, unlike anything I'd ever felt. It was blissful. It felt like childhood, only as an adult. No responsibility, no long-term thoughts. I was completely in-the-moment for the whole weekend.

I don't think I could live like that permanently, or in any long-term sort of situation. It's a relief to be back home. But I understand now. I understand why people make stupid mistakes. Because at the time, they aren't thinking about what'll happen next week. I've always "known" that, in my head, but now, I understand it. I've felt what it is to not be aware of future consequences. Until this past weekend, I can't remember a time where I've ever been so completely in the moment. It's a little scary.

When people offered me drugs, I didn't say "no" because I remembered all the addicts that I knew, or because I remembered what they taught me in school. It wasn't because I feared being arrested, or failing a drug test at work. I said no because the music and the dancing and the darkness already made me feel high. I didn't need the drugs to get the feeling, so I just laughed and said "Thanks, but no thanks." It's scary to look back on. I was totally in the moment and consequences and futures didn't exist for me then. If I had been in another mindset, I could have said yes. I could have ruined everything I ever worked for. But then I remind myself that, if I had been in another mindset, consequences would have existed and I would have said "no" anyways.

There isn't any action that I took this weekend that is different from what it would have been, if I had thought things through. I keep reminding myself of that, telling myself "You didn't do anything wrong. Just enjoy the memory of that pure bliss you felt," and yet, I fear and I worry.

If I lived in that mindset constantly, I could turn into my mother.

3 comments:

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Very wise to turn the drugs down, one can feel happy and high without those. It's sad to see young lives or anyone become dependant on drugs, it's not their fault but the dealers on the streets.
I enjoyed your post and it made interesting reading.
Yvonne.

August 1, 2011 at 5:38 PM
Deirdra Eden-Coppel said...

Great job!!! Following you now.

You have a fabulous blog! I want to award you the Brilliant Writer Blog Award for all the hard work you do!

Go to http://astorybookworld.blogspot.com/p/awards.html and pick up your award.
~Deirdra

August 6, 2011 at 3:39 PM
ronbone said...

Yes that was a very good discription of the Floydfest experience,I worked with an event tent co. One yr.there and it was everything you say it is, the childlike carefreeness of it,the natural high is unbelievable !Nice job !!! My other comment is on your abundancy of "mindset's",seems to me that the Floydfest experience was a little to much for you n that you were still trying to get a grasp on the reallity of how "blissful"you were while you were writing your blog.you said that you had never experienced anything like that before n that you said no to the drugs because of the high from the music n dancing ect... what if it was'nt all that it was?Could you have said yes?And how do you know that your never before experienced "mindset would't somehow rationalized saying yes ?Does'nt sound like you have a very high opinion of your mother from your final comment! Not tryin to really dog you out or anything,n it is an interesting blog,just saying you might want to get a grip on an experience before you write about it ,and a proofreading never hurts ! Lol !

May 9, 2013 at 6:17 PM

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