I just did the math...

School started. I'm so thrilled.

But I'm also really overwhelmed.

Here's what my week-day schedule looks like.
7:30- wake up, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack my bag (school stuff, food, work uniform, etc) ALSO try and get some housework done
8:30- Drive to school.
9:00- Classes then work study (two classes on monday/wednesday/friday and only a little time for w/s. One class on Tues/thurs, and longer w/s)
12:00- Eat lunch, do homework
1:00- Another class, then work study again
3:30- a 20 minute cab ride to work, then change into my uniform in the bathroom.
4:00- regular work starts
11:00- drive home. go directly to bed because I'm EXHAUSTED!


I'm so SO glad to be back in school, and I knew what I was getting myself into going back, so I feel sort of awful wining about it. Can you really whine about how hard something is, if you love it? If you knew it would be hard?

I'm sort of stressed out about my homework. I still haven't figured out how or when I'll do it. I guess I'll have to do it all over the weekends, the week before it's due, because I don't have any other time to do it.

I miss Jeffrey. I see him every day, of course, but only during car rides, really. And I miss him. And I miss being able to call my sisters, but I can't anymore because I work when they're not in school, and they're in school during my free hour.

God that's so sad. "my one free hour." But that's what I signed up for. I usually have one or two days off from regular work in the week. This week I was off Tuesday and I'll be off saturday, which will be a glorious relaxing day, except for the homework. My dad keeps pestering me to go look at this house he found online cheap, but I don't know when he expects me to go down there. I just want to sleep. I'd like to eat some decent food. Mostly, I'm living off of crackers, lunch meat, oranges, and fast-food. I haven't cooked in forever. I miss food. I want chicken. Baked salsa chicken.

And a nap. God, I'm so tired. So happy to be in school, but I wish it were easier. Lately, I've been feeling a little bitter about a couple of the people I've met. Most of the people here are okay, but there are some who just don't get it, and blame me for that. I don't go around telling my story, but sometimes an "I can't do XXXXX, I've got to work" comes up in conversation. I had one girl tell me I should quit my job because school was more important, and she "bet that if I quit my job, my parents would start helping out". Yeah? Really? I mean, yeah, she doesn't know why exactly my parent's aren't helping, but come ON? I wanted to scream at her "MY MOTHERS IN FUCKING REHAB AND NOT SPEAKING TO ME AGAIN, AND MY FATHER IS HOMELESS AND BROKE AND DISABLED AND HAS NO MONEY!"

But of course I didn't. I said "I'm sure they'd help if they could, but they really can't right now. If I quit my job, I'd have to quit school, too."

Oh I don't know whether I mentioned it right now, but the uncle who was supposed to help me pay for school can't after all, so I really am going it on my own. Student loans were my worst nightmare, but I took one out anyways. I needed to. I needed to go to school. I'm going to do my damnedest to make this worth it.

I'm going to continue with my A's, and work my "part time" job (have I mentioned yet that for several weeks I've been getting about 36-38 hour a week? More hours means more money, and I need it desperately.) , and I don't care how tired I get, because I know that it's possible. I've heard of people paying their way through school, getting straight A's, working full time jobs, or several part-timers. Now I'm going to join that crowd.

Oh and I've got so much more to say, but it's time for class.

Actually though, I don't have afternoon work study after class today because the department I work in is closed this afternoon. So I'm glad for that, even though it means less hours, and less money.